destept cine a spus asta!:ok:

Cel mai tare banc pe care l-am auzit in ultimul timp.:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Super tare

:nlol::nlol: super:wok:

They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install Windows.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

They already have boyfriends.

Why does a man have a hole in the end of his peni s?

To get oxygen to his brain!

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

Divorce him.


One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names?

The dad answers, "Well, son, it's tradition when an Indian baby is born for the father to go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees ... Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking."

How do you save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.



How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.


What not to say to the nice policeman:

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?

Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.




Absolute zero is cool.

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"

Your mama is so fat, when she plays football she plays offense and defense.

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"

Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.

"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."